Mystic Monday #4

I have been stuck in with Teresa of Avila... ...she lived into her sixties and wrote a number of very dense works.  Her attitude towards her writing is funny to read; as she writes she is very self-depreciating and often refers to the fact that she has been compelled to write by others in authority over her.  And yet the writing is so insightful that it seems every time I return to a passage I am drawn deeper into the imagery.

I appreciate the fact that Teresa continues throughout her writing to say that prayer is work, in fact all spiritual disciplines take work and one should expect to have to grow into a deeper experience with time and labour.

One of the earlier images Teresa uses is that of watering a garden.  As Teresa travelled through Spain she established new convents.  Generally, she accepted whatever accommodations she was could acquire.  However, one of the first places she established with her newly founded order of nuns was in San Jose and it had garden space for flowers and vegetables as well as space for hermitages where a nun could retreat to for respite from the demands of the world.  The stone walled retreats were simple with very little adornment save a window with a view and occasionally paintings with religious themes.

From this place she wrote a short teaching on prayer.  

In the beginning we all start with a barren landscape, with a plot rife with weeds.  So the work starts with turning up the soil, pulling up weeds and digging up roots.  The Master aids us with removing the undesirable plants and choosing viable and healthy plants to put in.  The chosen plants are in place;  the soul has decided to pursue the practice of prayer.  Only the Creator can make a plant grow, but we too have a job, our responsibility is to water, to keep the weeds at bay.  

And Lord comes into the garden to meet us, and to enjoy the beauty of life emerging from the barren spaces.  But the work is not finished.  Diligence is required to maintain the budding life amidst the hostile landscape.  Our primary task is to water the garden.  That watering happens in a number of ways... ...each of these ways can teach us something about the stages of prayer.'

In the early stages water is carried by hand drawn up from a well.  Then we construct machinery to help us; a water wheel and buckets cranked by hand.  We are still labouring, but less intensely and more effectively.  If you have good fortune you might find a spring or stream that can be diverted to water your garden; after the initial work of implementing a system you are rewarded by more regular and thorough watering for your garden.  Finally, the ideal situation is when the Rain Maker does the watering for us; there is no work by us, just the pleasure of knowing our garden is provided for by the One who we cultivate it for.

Teresa goes on to explain in detail what the characteristics of each stage looks like.  She consistently encourages the reader to continue even when the well seems dry:  "This is how He tests the people who love Him.  First He shows them how useless they are, so that when they receive divine favors, they won't get puffed up with their own importance... ...The problem arises when people think that favors should come quickly."

When avoiding cognitive dissonance beware of cultural dissonance!

Let's begin with a few definitions...

Cognitive dissonance:  The discomfort caused by the awareness of holding two or more contradictory ideas.

Cultural dissonance:  The discomfort experienced by people in the midst of changing cultural dynamics; most often characterized by changes which are unexpected, unexplained or not understood.

I think that one of the most important aspects of cognitive dissonance is that one needs to have an awareness of discomfort before one can identify those thoughts which are being held in tension.  Self-awareness is an experience that is often sought out as we age.  We grow in understanding ourselves different and separate from those around us; we seek to inventory those things which we hold that are truly of us and those things we have embraced as default.

In the process of this often we come across contradictory ideas, thoughts or values.  We are then faced with a choice...  ...can both be held onto at the same time...  ...if not then which value do we go with and why.  

But here is the aspect that I wish to mull over.  What happens if in the process of self-examination and increasing self-awareness I decide to embrace a value that is not held or endorsed by the dominant culture in which I find myself?  I do not spare myself discomfiture.   The attempts to ease the unease of finding myself in the throes of cognitive dissonance I am thrust into a dissonance of another variety.

Leaving and coming back home has opened my eyes to cultural 'concerns' about my hometown.  I think that is likely a very 'normal' experience.  But as I wandered through my time back I realized that I was not at ease at home.  As I explore the reasons for my dis-ease; I find myself having shed some of the normalcy of home for another normal.  And I don't want to give up what I have received... ...as I weigh out the values I hold, I find more reasons to hold on to that which I experience as more real.   But that reality is uncomfortable and darker than expected.

I came to this as I watched a documentary this week.  Cognitive dissonance came up... ...those who have heard the truth yet do nothing with it... ...those who believe the truth yet do nothing with it...   That's most people when they count the cost of change and decide it's too much to pay with no guarantee that the reward will make it worth it; besides they will tell themselves no one else is moving towards change.  One insightful commentator said that we are living in make-belief.  

Actually, I believe that many of us know that we are living in make-belief.  And that is what leads to the very normal condition of the human mind to live in cognitive dissonance.  At the same time we want to avoid the pain of the dissonance so we increase the pretense making excuses for the reasons why we can wait or why what we know isn't as serious as it is... This phenomena is evident in many arenas of life often resulting from a simplistic view of the issue in question.  A simplistic perspective, leads to a simplistic approach resulting in a potentially detrimental solution.

From a global perspective, our attitude towards caring for the world in which we live will likely begin with a measure of cognitive dissonance and then gently lead us into the depths of cultural dissonance.  We all have a list as long as our arms for the reasons why we continue unabated with a lifestyle of consumption.  We know that the natural resources that we extract from the earth are not being replenished.  But we do not treat these resources as if they are finite.  Take petrochemicals...they are all pervasive on a global scale.  We know that oil is harvested and not being replenished.  We know that whatever we take is being processed and burned and detrimentally affecting the health of ourselves, our children and our 'home'.  But we continue.

... dissonance ...

So as I try to live more consciously I find myself trying to live as if what is true is really true.  Then I become very aware of the luxury of a strawberry in the wintertime... ...a lawn in the summer... ...a dryer during the rainy season... ...a car any time...  But I struggle to live accordingly.  Should I not buy my children fresh fruit in the winter because the carbon footprint may eventually cause them more damage?  Should I avoid olive oil because I know it is being transported to me emitting air and noise pollution every mile of the way?  Should I avoid: rice, avocados, tuna, coffee, black teas, bananas, coconuts, black pepper, sea salt, seaweed... because they are not responsible choices once I begin to consider the impact of getting them to my table?  According to one set of statistics the average that a food item travels before it lands on our table is 1500 miles.  That is not acceptable.  But,...

And this is where I become dissonant... I live in a climate where the ground is frozen for almost as many months as it is not frozen.  I have growing children whose nutritional needs are important to their long-term well-being.  And here is the one that is the most difficult to deal with... I can not always afford to purchase the locally grown, the organically grown, the responsibly packaged, the environmentally sustainable...  So I live with disappointment and disapproval of my own decisions.

Who wants to hear that they shouldn't buy new clothes every season, they don't need a new "insert item of choice', smaller is better, less is more, if it's yellow let it mellow, your clothes were stitched by a child, your toilet paper is made of trees, your neighbor is everyone who is connected to you via your home, your clothes, your food, your pollution, your consumption...

In fact, sometimes my oldest child doesn't even want to hear it... she is aware of the dissonant sound.  Sometimes I become overwhelmed trying to make a decision on a food purchase.  Other times I simply harden myself against my own judgement.  

But the challenging part is that we, as a family, are trying to move towards a lifestyle this is responsible, sustainable, healthful, justice centered, grace filled and love imbued; and so we oft find ourselves in the realm of the culturally dissonant.  We need to find meaningful action... ...re-evaluate choices and priorities... ...plan for the future... because sometimes the loudest sound is a lone voice in a lonely place.

My Partner and I walking through life

It's odd that I have been so sporadic in my posting.  I realized that I have a good number of draft posts that have never been finished... ...I wonder if they ever will be.  And recently, I have been using a journal more... ...the kind full of blank paper that fit in whatever bag I carry out the door.  Maybe if I began to use a laptop I would post more regularly... ...or maybe not.  You see I am a seriously unscheduled person.  I really struggle with time tables, time management and time perception.  At some point in my years you would think that I would have come to terms with the fact that time needs to be dealt with; yet I continue in denial.

What has helped is being married to my DH.  He does not struggle with time, in any way shape or form.  In fact, I am convinced that he knows the time without needing a timekeeper.  He knows how much time passes, how much time passed or how much time is likely to be required for any given task.  It dumbfounds me.  However, as a consequence I am more likely to arrive at appointments on time these days than ever before.  I may 'flap' as I exit the house to reach the required destination; but I generally reach it at the moment required.  This said I still find time limits stressful.  If I need to leave somewhere or arrive somewhere at a particular time I have learned that vigilance is necessary; of course, this vigilance is distracting to the task at hand and leaves me feeling like I enjoyed the event less than I might have had time not been an issue.

However, back to the title of my post... My partner.  I was just thinking today of the reasons why I appreciate him.  Part of it is the fact that I can say anything to him... ...like today I was wondering out loud about the workings of our spiritual bodies in the next life.  Of course DH replies that the Docetists wondered that about Jesus; they developed the idea that Jesus' physical body was an illusion therefore he wouldn't have been subjected to the 'lower' bodily functions.  However, I assume that the body he was born with was like ours and his resurrection body is like the one we will be getting.  Of course, this is just a side discussion to the fact that DH willingly engages me as I speak out random thoughts even if they remind him of some teachings that are generally accepted as heresy.

We sat this week with dear friends as talked about church for hours.  Seriously, twice staff came up to us to ask if we were done our meal... ...we were, but as we were at the Chipotle in the MOA we didn't have anywhere to go so we smiled and continued.  The thing is that DH and I have been imagining church in new ways... bigger ways ...fuller ways and we haven't really had the time to test out our thoughts.  So we sat, shared and heard back from friends, who are both like us and unlike us.  Good conversation over good food is like nourishment for the body and soul.

So if conversation is an aspect of community that is  essential to the wellness of our soup then one of our current challenges is getting enough sleep.  As our wee ones are not so wee, they are not heading to bed as early as before.  That takes time from the end of the day for them and leaves less for us.  Both of us tend to process life at the end of it, so we stay up later reviewing and sharing all the 'stuff' that there was no time for earlier.  It would be alright if we were both caught sleep the same way, but we don't.  Just like we deal with time differently we also deal with sleep differently.  DH likes to explain it this way:  For him sleep is like catching a train, you have to catch it when it comes or sit and wait for the next one; however for me sleep is like driving a car, I just hop in whenever I want and away I go.

So we need to find more ways to carve out time in our days.  This week we drove a long way with no small people in the vehicle.  So we had hours to talk... ...a friend lent me a CD to listen to and there just wasn't the space for it...we talked, I slept and then we talked some more ...I know that it's cliched to talk about marrying a best friend, but there it is.  Walking through life together has helped us grow together in a way that I don't think we ever imagined.  I have learned how to experience the world as he does and he as I do.  Interestingly, I think it makes us more compassionate than we otherwise would be; because we still approach the world from different starting places.  He is much more intellectual, thinking, conceptual, whereas his current favourite word for me is 'visceral'; that just goes to show how intellectual he really is.  Visceral connotes instinct, but as I am human and the professional verdict on whether or not a human is truly subject to instinct is out; it would be more appropriate to define visceral in terms of gut-level responses.

This leads me to another stream of thought that I have been tossing around.  Is it really a good idea to meet a partner through a service that matches personality and interests?  I am certain that DH and I would not have been matched in our late teens and early twenties... ...I suppose we would be more compatible now, I think partly because of the influence we have had on each other.  Maybe that means that match-making services that use questionnaires filled out by the person looking are more useful for older adults, who know themselves well.  At the same time I think that there is place in a partnership for growth because of differences; although I am aware that those some differences may drive a partnership apart.

So I am wondering how to wrap this all up... ...maybe if unity in diversity is possible on a small scale like in a marriage or family then we should have hope that it is possible in to be manifest is a wider context.  But that also means that the lessons (compromise, understanding, compassion) that make our marriage strong can also make our friendships strong, our communities strong and our nations strong.

What are the things that make your partnerships work well?  What are the things that challenge the stability of it?

Mystic Monday #3

This could be properly labeled Theresa of Avila~part 1.

I am in the process of finishing a biography on Theresa of Avila by Cathleen Medwick.  It's a lovely read.  She references a number of writers, both contemporary to Theresa up to the present.  It yields a fascinating picture of a woman in pursuit of God.

In order to present a fuller picture of one of my heroes, I thought I'd spend a little more time sharing the aspects of her life and writing I find so compelling.  But first let's give you a sense of when and where.

She was born in Spain, March 28th, 1515.  Theresa was born into a Castilian family, with a shadow of the inquisition over them.  In the late 1400's Jews were expelled form Spain by Ferdinand and Isabella.  Then the inquisitors took over ferreting out those who did not truely convert...  Theresa's grandfather decided to avoid being exposed as a non-converted Jew; so he came forward and accused himself of crimes that undermined the church.  After a fairly light, although humiliating punishment, Juan relocated his family to Avila where he earned the status of hidalgo or gentleman.  Theresa's father, Alonso, was a very devout Castilian, who worked hard to secure his family's honour.  When he married Theresa's mother, Beatriz, he was then part of a Old Christian family; then he fought for his country, and returned home after a successful outcome.

It doesn't seem that the shadow of the past affected Theresa.  It seems that  Theresa respected her father, although initially he forbade her to enter the convent.  He also had her stay in the family home during a lengthy illness.  All believed Theresa would soon be dead...her coffin was ready, she was wrapped in a shroud and her eyes were sealed shut with wax in preparation.  Alonso faithfully and repeatedly said "Esta hija no es para enterrar." (This daughter is not for burying.)  Slowly Theresa recovered.  Only to lose her father a few years later; however since he spent his final years in the business of 'saving his own soul', she was comforted.

Following this Theresa pursued spiritual counsel at every opportunity.  She worked hard to pray and held herself to a high standard.  Often those around her felt like the things she confessed were so trivial, but to Theresa any short-coming, any attraction the world held, any distraction, was worth dragging into the light and exposing.  

I appreciate how Cathleen Medwick ends one chapter on the beginnings of Theresa's maturing sprituality:

The woman who came back was no longer of two minds about the world and God.  But inside the convent and out, people were of two minds about her.

This would be the defining feature of the rest of her life.  And even after her death varied and opposing thought continued and continues about her life, teaching and experiences with God.  

Her writings, particularly her accounts of ecstatic experiences, have been oft surrounded by controversy.  It is interesting to me that the sculpture, The Ecstasy of Saint Theresa by Gian Lorenzo Bernini has been a source of contention regarding Theresa... ...too beautiful, too sensual, too intimate...  They did not live at the same time, so all Bernini could go on was Theresa's writings, and the testimony of her contemporaries.  When you read her description of her experience with God you see that Bernini faithfully brought that to life in his sculpture.

She writes in Vida (Theresa's account of her life story):

...very close to me, on my left, an angel appeared in human form... ... In his hands I saw a large golden spear, and at it's iron tip there seemed to be a point of fire.  I felt as if he plunged this into my heart several times, so that it penetrated all the way to my entrails.  When he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out with it, and left me totally inflamed with  a great love for God.  The pain was so severe... ...and the soul isn't satisfied with anything less than God.  This pain is not physical, but spiritual, even thought the body has a share in it--...  So delicate is this exchange between God and the soul that I pray God, in his goodness, to give a taste of it to anyone who thinks I am lying.

Mystic Monday #2

I thought I'd like to begin with Therese de Lisieux, also known as Therese de l'Enfant - Jesus, or Therese, the Little Flower of Jesus.

I first read her autobiography about 4 years ago, nearly to the month.  Despite growing up in the Roman Catholic Church, I have no recollection of hearing her story before that.  But the innocence and sincerity that permeated her own reflection on her life impressed me, as well as, the measure of devotion her parents passed on to her and all her siblings.

She was born on the second of January 1873 in Normandy, the ninth child of Louis and Zelie Martin.  At this point her mother was 41 years old with failing health, considering she had 4 older siblings who died very young, as her health began to deteriorate she was sent to live with a wet-nurse until she was weaned.  At the age of three, Therese declared her intention to become a nun much to the delight of her parents who although they desired to enter religious life were unable to.  In fact, when Zelie was advised against entering the convent she asked that the Lord would make her the mother of many children, all dedicated to him.

Sadly, Zelie died in the summer of 1877.  Therese felt the loss deeply and attached herself to her older sister Pauline, her 'petite mere'.  Coming through the mourning the household continued in the pattern of a lifestyle that was devoted to both religion and piety...daily attendance at Mass, regular fasting, family prayer, religious reading, offerings and charity.

By all accounts Therese grew up doted on, even spoiled, when she entered the convent at 15 she did not know how to perform even very basic housekeeping tasks.  After the death of her mother she was mothered by her sisters and indulged by her father, particularly as he saw and encouraged his 'Little Queen's religious inclinations.  As she recalls her years growing up, it's easy to see how her personal piety made her socially awkward among her peers...she studied only for a short time in a day school, the years before and after she studied with a private tutor.  Often she was concerned about being good and acceptable, fearing hell and longing for heaven, when her two oldest sisters entered the Carmelite convent in Lisieux it's easy to understand why Therese would long to enter along with them.

For a year after her 'petite mere' entered the convent Therese suffered with an illness that kept her in bed, with severe headaches and sometimes hallucinations.  Her illness ended suddenly with a vision where a statue of Mary smiled down at Therese.  From this point Therese is increasingly convinced of her call.  Unfortunately, her father did not weather this illness well and suffered mini-strokes and bouts of depression.  However, in the end he supported Therese's desire to enter the convent, which she did at age of 15 after receiving permission by appeal all the way up the ranks of the Church hierarchy to the Pope.

Interestingly, the Carmelite Order is quite strict.  Their focus is on contemplating God and this is done by a strict schedule of prayer, fasting, silence.  Their quarters, food and clothing is simple, austere.  Rules for life are set forth and abided by.  In 1888 from a life that was religious but indulgent, Therese entered a life of austerity and toil.  And there she lived, cloistered until her death in September of 1897.

I think there are two things I want to reflect on.  One was the evident delight that Therese found in devoting herself, yielding herself completely to what she felt was the call God had on her life.  In a time when all that was expected of a woman was to marry well, bear many children and raise them, she longed for a deeper fulfillment in a profoundly spiritual experience of life.  From the start there were many trials to life in the convent, they were strictly cloistered and only spoke to those outside the convent through a grate.  And it was readily apparent that she was ill-equipped to perform the tasks assigned her; many thought her spoiled and useless and did not hesitate to inform her.  It was in the midst of this that she received a wedding invitation from a cousin and as she had just 'taken the veil' (made the life vows) she responded with characteristic delight and wrote her own wedding invitation:

God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Sovereign Ruler of the Universe, 

and the Glorious Virgin Mary, Queen of the Heavenly Court,

announce to you the Spiritual Espousals of their August Son, Jesus, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, 

with little Therese Martin, now Princess and Lady of His Kingdoms of the Holy Childhood and the Passion, assigned to her as a dowry by, her Divine Spouse, from which Kingdoms she holds her titles of nobility -- 

of the Child Jesus and of the Holy Face.

It was not possible to invite you to the Wedding Feast which took place on the Mountain of Carmel, September 8, 1890 -- the Heavenly Court was alone admitted --

but you are requested to be present at the wedding feast which will take place tomorrow, the day of Eternity, when Jesus, the Son of God, will come in the clouds of Heaven, in the splendor of His Majesty, to judge the living and the dead.

The hour being still uncertain, you are asked to hold yourselves in readiness and watch.

(This letter is modeled after a letter that the French at the time would have sent to inform friends of the marriage of their children)

As I read this again I feel the sheer joy I assume Therese had at recognizing her Saviour as her husband.  It is not unlike the passage in Isaiah 54:5:

For your Maker is your husband-

     the LORD Almightly is his name-

     the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;

     he is called the God of all the earth. 

For a young woman who sees that she will not pass through the rites of passage to womanhood that her culture dictates I find it fascinating that she fashioned them to fit her own situation.  As she took her life vows she would be as a bride dressed in white wearing a traditional bridal crown of flowers...so she extended the marriage metaphor and completed the celebration with it's announcement.

I recently finished a biography of Therese that coloured much of what I had originally seen.  The biographer seemed convinced that Therese suffered from repressed emotions and was not entirely truthful about how she really felt about certain events and interactions.  She also waxed at length about the repressed rage, depression and mental illness of Therese's father.  I do not believe that Therese and her family were without normal humanity, but I hesitate to call illness, 'hysterical' and a melancholy personality, 'clinically depressed'.  It is of course important to remember that Therese wrote her autobiography in her early 20's, she died at 24; so we should expect a certain amount of naivety, simplicity and innocence.  We should take it for what it is, a picture of a young woman who desperately wanted to please her Maker, and sought Him in every way she knew and in every way she was taught.

There is a lovely teaching she called the little way.  This is some of what she said about her 'little way':

I feel that my mission is soon to begin-- my mission to make others love God as I love Him... ...it is the way of Spiritual Childhood, the way of trust and absolute self-surrender.  ...We can never have too much confidence in the Good God, He is so mighty, so merciful. 

Her little way is a way of confidence and abandonment.  Confidence is a God of great love, mercy and forgiveness, and abandonment of one's self into His care.  If I think of her as one who was coddled as a child, met God in that time and place and held onto relationship with God that looked like that of a child with a trusted parent.  Keeping this in mind, she writes reflects that perspective and makes sense... and yet it is more foreign to what I, or we, experience in this day and time.

Could any of us walk in that kind of freedom, with that kind of security... ...?

How does a child relate to a parent?  Well, if the child is sure of the parent's love and care then the child trusts and obeys...without question of the character of motivation of the parent... reckless abandonment!

Mystic Monday #1

I was thinking that I might more regularly write if I gave myself a couple of topics to visit on a consistent basis.  So here is the first topic...Mystics...

So to begin with we should probably look at what mystic means.  From the straight up dictionary definition we get something like:

   A person who claims to have attained insight into mysteries which transcend the ordinary or average through divine or spiritual revelations.

I suppose with a definition like that who could blame someone for thinking of a Eastern religion like Hinduism or Buddhism.  But I want to specifically look at those mystics from the Christian tradition.  I think to begin with I want to visit a number of women who have been are either self-professed or have been labeled as mystics.

The things that these mystics have in common is a pursuit of knowing God through Jesus Christ; which may or may not include experiences that might be considered or called supernatural or miraculous.  The other thing that becomes clear as one reads their stories is that they have experienced a transforming power that causes the mystic to walk more like Christ and in closer communion with him.

One other caveat should be mentioned and addressed.  Many of these people walked with God before the Reformation so their expression of faith may be a bit foreign to those outside the experience of the Roman Catholic, Orthodox or High-Church forms of Christianity.  As far as I commit to pursuing understanding of the history of Christian Mysticism, I will also try to glean broadly assuming that God is capable of reaching us despite of our limited human perspective.  To me this means that I am happy to set aside those things that are in my view cultural or historical constraints; and still find truth and insight for life.

Very broadly we can see a chronicle of mystical experience through the Old and New Testament.  Unfortunately, we often grow so familiar with the stories that we forget the wonder and awe that came with our first hearing of the ways that the Creator connected with his creation.

And so today you just get a few thoughts and no names to 'google'.  I want to be able to do my subject justice with little biographies and samples of writing.  If nothing else happens watch this space next Monday for the first of my introductions .

Abortion, Americans, and the Election

I suppose that this might seem like a moot point post election.  But there is a number of things that I have been mulling over regarding the Presidential Election and the candidates...particularly the choices and reasons for those choices that American Christians have been voicing.

As a Canadian my choice for President of the USA is really rather irrelevant.  However, I feel quite strongly that the US needs to do some serious work on it's global reputation in order to stem the anger and outrage that is directed her way.  And I fully believe that Barack Obama is the kind of leader that the world can respect and in fact wants to work with.

In my meanderings online, I have come across some many indictments, mainly by Christians, of Obama's position on abortion and homosexuality.  And it has got me thinking about the government's role in enforcing ethics and morality.  Interestingly, I don't think that either issue played a substantial role in the preceding Canadian elections...the most recent event that brought abortion to the table was Dr. Henry Morgentaler receiving the Order of Canada. 

I find it fascinating how government bodies choose to deal with those who object to their policies and decisions.  Dr Morgentaler blatantly disregards the laws of the land, was tried and found guilty and then...honoured...?  It makes me wonder if the KI six will one day receive the same honour...they did not harm any body.  They researched their rights, followed the rule of law and were sidelined in favour of big business.  When they enforced their rights based on law and precedent, they were arrested and jailed ...a doctor honoured for beginning the killing of unborn children...First Nation leaders shamed defending their land...but maybe this is a story for another post...

Back to the issue at hand, abortion and politics.  I stand firmly on the side of the argument that says life begins at conception and abortion is tantamount to murder.  But I faced an ethical dilemma now many years back that has pulled me back from the graceless position that makes no allowances for living in a fallen world where things go wrong.

Imagine, a young couple, entering ministry, expecting their longed for first child...but something goes badly wrong.  The baby in utero is not well and the painful journey begins.  Prayer vigils are held, fasting and long days in medical care.  The baby will not live, baby will have massive organ failure upon birth and immediately die.  The decision is made to continue on with the pregnancy in hopes of a miracle that will give them a baby.  The journey turns now to a darker path, the mommy's life is now in the balance.  She is put into hospital, continuing to hope that something might change.  Now doctors are fearing the worse, mother and child are most likely going to die before this baby gets near full term.  In the corner sits a young man facing the lose of wife and child in one catastrophic event...  ...the unspoken solution is abhorrent... In their experience abortion was never a consideration, they would happily accept a child with a disability or abnormality, they would suffer the pain of a labour to hold and farewell their stillborn child.  

I could not in good faith stand in judgement of them.  How could I condemn a man to sacrifice his wife on the altar of 'abortion is always wrong'?  I heard judgement from both ends, those angry that this man allowed his wife to be put in harms way for the sake of a child as good as dead, and those who said that no matter what the circumstances should run it's course, come what may.

When my eldest child faced certain death without immediate and expert medical intervention, we heard from both sides.  If you hadn't have gone there this would not have happened, to if you feel like you were where you were supposed to be you should have stayed and buried her there.  One one hand, we made a bad choice to go and then we made a bad choice to come back.  Circumstances allowed to run their course would have killed her, appropriate medical intervention required us to pack up and head home; even then we were not assured that she would live, just that she had a chance to live.

Even as I write this I am aware that abortions done for medical necessity are not many.  According to statistics in the US only 6% of abortions occur for health reasons, and 1% for cases where the mother was violated.  But what about those with religious affiliations ...  In the US self-identifying Protestants account for about 37% of those having abortions, another 31% call themselves Catholic.  Of these women 18% are willing to identify themselves as born-again or evangelical.  

Allowing for abortions for medical necessity and women who were violated that leaves about 229 000 babies being aborted by women who are in those same churches that have come out indicting Obama for his liberal position on abortion.  If we are more generous with the level of commitment of  men and women from non-Evangelical and Catholic churches then the Church at large becomes responsible for the abortions of nearly 900 000 babies annually.

Who are we to hold one man responsible for safeguarding the ethics of a nation when we are not the vanguard of those ethics within our outspoken and oft judgmental communities.   Somewhere the reality of the lives of men and women in our churches is not being impacted by the message being taught.

Can morality really be legislated?  Wasn't that what Jesus frequently exposed as hypocritical in most of his interactions with Pharisees?  The Pharisees were charged with cleaning the outside and leaving their inner world strewn with dead men's bones (Matt. 23:27).  Could we, the church, be in danger of being accused of the same level of hypocrisy?  Are we, as Christians, cleaning up the visible life we live and storing up inner death?

I believe that Barack Obama is just a man.  But he is a man who, in my estimation, has attempted to address issues in their complexity, who seems to have a sincere desire to reach out across social, political and economic lines and sounds prepared to engage the global community.  It is time for the American Church to come behind their secular leader and pray for him.  Not that he would become like you, or me, but that he would be well equipped for this task set before him.

At the same time we as Christians need to have our house cleaned.  Maybe there are so many secrets because we are afraid of judgment.  Maybe there are hidden wounds because we are not sure of the love and acceptance that is promised.  Is it time for a revolution within the walls of the Church that seeks to be more like Jesus?  ...more like Jesus in how we talk, more like Jesus in how we share, more like Jesus in how we work, more like Jesus in how we love?