...oh, for solitude...

Last night B and I were watching a show called, "Planet Food." It's hosted by a rather annoying British woman, but I love learning about how food defines culture and heritage.

So this woman was traveling in Sweden and visiting different traditional and modern contexts where food is part of life. She visited this place way up north in Lapland, and stayed with a couple who raise Caribou. Their lifestyle was so appealing...they had to be self-sufficient in so many ways. It seemed to me that they also had to acknowledge sole responsibility for their life in terms of their productivity and fulfillment.

Earlier this week I hosted a journaling workshop run by a friend's mom from South Africa. It was a very fun time of exploring 'conversations with self'. But one thing that struck me was the idea of 'living life intentionally'.

Both of these experiences have culminated in my mind to challenge my view of the amount of control or perceived lack of control that I have in my own life. So often I drift through the days feeling subject to circumstances and expectations. And now, particularly as I look to the very open future I want to be able to seize my moments.

I know that those of you who are my peers will remember the movie Dead Poets Society and the refrain repeated ad naseum, Carpe Diem. But from where I stand I want to be able to seize my days...I know that they are numbered. And I know that I have tasks set before me to do in those days. And what I want is to finish well, being able to say without regrets that I did all that was set before me, that I was a faithful servant with the gifts I was given and the revelations I received.

And what does that mean for today...??? I'm not really sure. I am sure that I want to cultivate a fuller internal life. I am sure I want to be faithful to raise well the children I have been given. And I am sure I want to be a strong helper to the husband I have. But for the rest...

I suppose part of the appeal of a lifestyle of a homesteader is to have the space and solitude to hear that 'still, quiet voice' that speaks to each of us. I want to become more familiar with his voice so I can walk out my life with the confidence of heading heavenward.

I read a friend's post last night. It was lamenting the lack of encouragement from the Body to walk out life as each person feels called. I agree with so much she wrote. When we step out into 'weirdness' or make unconventional choices; more often then note you see that look on people's faces...The look that clearly communicates that your choice is not only one they would not make, but also possibly a wrong, sinful or dangerous choice.

Part of my thought with all of this is that I really want to live with the confidence that what I do, I do because it is what I am called to. And then that will give me the security to extend that grace to my brothers and sisters as they faithfully walk out the life they have been called to. But first I need to be in that place where I have the confidence of being led. And to have that confidence I need to cultivate my inner life. And to cultivate that inner life, I think maybe I need the solitude to strip away the inconsequential. But, then again maybe that's not what I need...