...oh, for solitude...

Last night B and I were watching a show called, "Planet Food." It's hosted by a rather annoying British woman, but I love learning about how food defines culture and heritage.

So this woman was traveling in Sweden and visiting different traditional and modern contexts where food is part of life. She visited this place way up north in Lapland, and stayed with a couple who raise Caribou. Their lifestyle was so appealing...they had to be self-sufficient in so many ways. It seemed to me that they also had to acknowledge sole responsibility for their life in terms of their productivity and fulfillment.

Earlier this week I hosted a journaling workshop run by a friend's mom from South Africa. It was a very fun time of exploring 'conversations with self'. But one thing that struck me was the idea of 'living life intentionally'.

Both of these experiences have culminated in my mind to challenge my view of the amount of control or perceived lack of control that I have in my own life. So often I drift through the days feeling subject to circumstances and expectations. And now, particularly as I look to the very open future I want to be able to seize my moments.

I know that those of you who are my peers will remember the movie Dead Poets Society and the refrain repeated ad naseum, Carpe Diem. But from where I stand I want to be able to seize my days...I know that they are numbered. And I know that I have tasks set before me to do in those days. And what I want is to finish well, being able to say without regrets that I did all that was set before me, that I was a faithful servant with the gifts I was given and the revelations I received.

And what does that mean for today...??? I'm not really sure. I am sure that I want to cultivate a fuller internal life. I am sure I want to be faithful to raise well the children I have been given. And I am sure I want to be a strong helper to the husband I have. But for the rest...

I suppose part of the appeal of a lifestyle of a homesteader is to have the space and solitude to hear that 'still, quiet voice' that speaks to each of us. I want to become more familiar with his voice so I can walk out my life with the confidence of heading heavenward.

I read a friend's post last night. It was lamenting the lack of encouragement from the Body to walk out life as each person feels called. I agree with so much she wrote. When we step out into 'weirdness' or make unconventional choices; more often then note you see that look on people's faces...The look that clearly communicates that your choice is not only one they would not make, but also possibly a wrong, sinful or dangerous choice.

Part of my thought with all of this is that I really want to live with the confidence that what I do, I do because it is what I am called to. And then that will give me the security to extend that grace to my brothers and sisters as they faithfully walk out the life they have been called to. But first I need to be in that place where I have the confidence of being led. And to have that confidence I need to cultivate my inner life. And to cultivate that inner life, I think maybe I need the solitude to strip away the inconsequential. But, then again maybe that's not what I need...

...a house fire?

So I was just sitting down shucking peas...actually I was trying to decide if you shuck peas, hull peas or maybe depod peas. It is a tedious task. I now understand why women would gather together at harvest time to can things like peas. It is a genuinely mindless task!!!

Anyways, getting back to the title of the post. A week ago on Sunday at 4 am Brian jumped out of bed...I was a little slow to comprehend that our room was full of smoke. Since we heat with a woodstove, of sorts, that was our first thought...then B checked outside and I went into the kitchen. Well, off the kitchen is a little room that is just screened in; it's where we hang our clothes to dry and store wood, pinecones and coal for the fire. I could not believe the flames...nearly touching the ceiling, which is wooden. And in the midst of the flames was our gas canister, like the kind used in North American for barbeques. So, I turn on the taps in the kitchen and start filling pots; B grabs the canister and pulls it out of the fire...no explosion...but what a big mess!!! Water, soot, and debris in the side room and the kitchen. Then we stepped back and took a deep breath. Imagine a few more minutes and not six feet from where we were sleeping a gas canister explodes!!!

Of course, the girls slept through the whole thing. I went into their rooms and opened the windows just to make sure they would be alright. Then B noticed his hand...blisters on the back of each finger...guitar playing had to be put off for the week.

But now one week and a bit more, it is amazing to me how that potentially explosive incident gets swept away by the buzz of life. B's brother, nephew and parents are here to add to the fullness of life.

My in-laws brought 11 people with them to tour around the country for 5 weeks. They have been here since last Tuesday and head out tomorrow night for the remainder of their excursion. I showed them the Bazaar and my favourite shops. Then we had a tour of a village...it is one of my favourite places to be. This particular village is clean, has irrigation running through it as well as electricity. They have worked to preserve the old style wooden homes with carvings and decorative painting. And I think that most of the work can be attributed to one man with a vision. He left his home village and received a Bachelor's Degree from university and then returned to his home village. Ever since he has been working to improve the standard of living there. He facilitated the building of a government school; when the teachers' had sporadic attendance he facilitated a small private school with a nominal charge staffed by teachers who live in the village. Now, he is planning to build a small computer centre to teach computer skills to the youth. One man with vision is an astounding force.

This weekend we took the group to visit a pilgimmage site and then to a state park. It's nice to share what has become our home with people from home. The other thing I learned was watching initial responses. So much of life here is ordinary to us that we forget how unlike North America it can be. I can look at children and tell if they are beggars or not...some kids are just grubby. In my mind I have decided not to give money to children who should be in school or who are capable of working to try to discourage the lifestyle of begging. But when you come here and see how little so many have, and become so acutely aware of what you have; it is hard to resist a little grubby hand and pleading eyes.

Well, I am going back to my peas. We are making and mixed East-West meal tonight to help with the homesick, and I need to make some plain veggies.

Technology Problems!

So our laptop screen decided to fade out...I tried rebooting and adjusting the brightness to no avail. So I am up at school in B's office trying to do a week's worth of correspondence. Instead of all that work, I decided to post!!!!

Someone asked about the things I was teaching so here's a little preview. Last week's teachings...each day took up about 10 pages typed. It's amazing how much information you can cover when you are basically lecturing for 2 hours at a time.

With marriage I started off putting forth the idea that our marriages, no matter where we come from, should all start looking similar because we all have the same goal. That our marriages should reflect a picture of spiritual truths. And as long as our marriages are not a good picture of the love and sacrifice they are intended to be...we are a poor testimony to that love displayed in the sacrifice of Jesus. I really feel like that should be our goal...that the mystery that Paul teaches should be realized in the relationship we have withour spouses. Anything less than that is less than the intended glory we should be walking in.

Then I shared the proverb about iron sharpening iron. I am totally convinced that I have been given the husband I have to spur me on the becoming a better me. And, if I can speak for him, I think I do the same for him. None of us stay the same in relationship and close relationships should be those that cause us to grow and change.

When I was thinking about who I might be without B...the picture that comes to mind is a funny, but sad one. I am sure I would be the absent-minded professor with chaos reigning in my house...old salami, a piece of moldy cheese and a bottle of wine in the fridge...and my clothes would be rumpled and mismatched...and I would never be anywhere on time!!!

The essence of who I am is still the same. But I am less absorbed with myself and my thoughts than I would be alone. I have also learned things from living with B...like not everyone can think in chaos...I think learning that people have different needs has helped me be less self-centred regarding how I live and the decisions I make.

The other important thing about marriage is that I am who I am because of what God asks me to be...not because of who I would be naturally, and not because of who B is. If we can get ahold of that I think it takes the pressure off each other because we are then not looking to our partner to be all that we need or expect.

And in the end I encouraged each couple to have another couple, who loves and undrstands them, to meet with to encourage and support each other. Essentially, I suppose I was trying to communicate that relationships were and are God's idea and creation, so we need to find his plan for them.

Well, B is back and needs his office...important meetings and all. I can't promise when I'll be posting again...hopefully sooner rather than later...

And they loved him...

So I got through my three lessons this week. I don't think I have ever been so nervous as I was this week. I realized that I usually rely on interaction to help direct a session...well, with the language barrier interaction was very limited. But I must say the body language today was mush more encouraging than yesterday.

I taught on Marriage and Children... It was only as I sat to flesh out my thoughts that I realized how culturally grounded our ideas about marriage and children tend to be. And here I was from small town Canada trying to be relevant to villagers from farming communities. Argh!!! If I wasn't so sure that these were the things I should share I would have panicked and picked safer topics.

The blessing in the last two days was that the translator is a woman that I know fairly well. She is near my age and married with children. So she understood the things I was trying to share and was able to fill in details when she thought my words were unclear.

I realized that it's hard work to teach through a translator. It's difficult to keep your focus when you have to pause after each sentence. Both B and BG encouraged me to use the pauses to prepare my next thought. You might think this would be easy to do...well, it wasn't for me. On Thursday I found myself stopping and listening to the translator and then when it was my turn to talk I drew a blank Things worked much better today when I reminded myself that I didn't need to listen to her.

This is the time when my lack of language skills makes me feel inadequate. The most frustrating thing is that I generally know what is being talked about, but I can't formulate a coherent sentence. I can offer answers that are words strung together to form my thought, but my structure is very...free, shall we say? I peg myself as a toddler...high comprehension, low conversation ability.

But what I wanted to share when I started this post was that B shared tonight without a translator. He did a fantastic job. The team was so appreciative of his effort and affirming of his ability that is was a real encouraging time all around. It was great that he was able to share his story after one of the team members shared his. There were enough parallels to see that God works similarly all over the world.

B is out tonight playing music with some friends up at the top of the hill. He went from school, grabbed a cup of coffee and came to the training time, went back to school to take attendance for the school play, then he's off up to the top of the hill. So the girls and I watched...are you ready for this...TRADING SPACES. They each had a nice cup of hot chocolate with marshmellows(courtesy of my most recent visit home) and shared their opinions on the designs. It's so fun to hear their commentaries; they reveal so much about who they are...each one an individual.

...on an entirely different note I wanted to share my okra discovery. I don't know if many of you eat okra. If you are like me you probably had a bad okra experience and have stayed far away from it. My bad okra experience was with friends when we were at school in Minneapolis. They had cooked okra and fish together...it was really well cooked so that the okra was slippery. So imagine...fishy and slippery together...not very appealing. In fact I think my exact words were: "I have never tasted anything like it" as I quickly finished my serving with a smile.

But I now have a new way to eat okra that is a happy experience. First you was your okra to get any dirt off the outside...don't soak it, you are trying to avoid slippery okra. Then you chop it into pieces about 1cm wide...if you want to be fancy you could chop it on an angle. Then chop and onion...or two if they are small. Then heat up a frying pan... add a generous amount of oil. Thrown in the onions...then the okra...a bit of tumeric, salt and chilli...fry the whole mess until everything is nicely browned and serve hot with rice...add dal and yogurt to make a complete meal. YUM... By the way, do not add water or everything will get slippery.

I was going to download a pic for you all to see...but the cord for the camera seems to have gone for a walkabout. Things do that often around here, the usual suspect is P. She likes to pack up her bag or backpack and pretend to be going on a trip. These days she is often going to Canada with M.

Well, that concludes my Friday evening ramble...more soon...

And they all laughed...

I was sharing today for the first time through a translator. I was so glad that the man translating is a friend of our family. It seemed to make it easier. Although, when he translated, "then we were married" and "I want to talk about my call to be a wife and a mother" everyone broke out into laughter.

But what struck me the most were the questions afterwards about my home country. The local people wanted to know what God my countrymen believe in. It was incomprehensible that they would not believe in something. So our friend tried to respond, but he has never been out of his country either. And then I stepped in and shared that most people would say that they believe that God exists, but then they live like He doesn't affect anything...well, that was so funny to them...they all roared with laughter.

I never thought about the disjoint of that sequence of belief. But the more I think about it, the more nonsensical it seems. If He exists then the sensible thing would be to find out what He wants...

So the lesson I learned today was that if I believe in God's existence then I better find out what He wants because He's much bigger than me and has a clearer perspective...

I have two more lessons to teach and I'll post the lessons I am learning.

Abraham and Sarah....

It's Saturday afternoon here. B and I spent the better part of the day so far, cleaning and sorting and burning paper... We sorted out our guest room, which has been a collecting space in recent months. B's brother, K, is coming for a visit in two weeks; a few days later B's parents arrive. We are all excited to share our space with people who love us.

There is a sense of a place being home when you get to introduce it to loved ones. I think that has been something very special about having had visits from family and friends over the course of the last six years or so.

But when I start sorting and weighing the worth of a picture or piece of paperI get hit with waves of nostalgia. The 'remember when's' roll in and over my thoughts and I struggle to part with bits. The odd thing is that the bits are not big items, pieces of letters I saved, addresses I torn off envelopes intending to write people who blessed me, paintings of indescribable things done by wee ones, post cards I forgot to mail, photos (a whole box) from before we went digital.

I have to do this kind of purging in small steps. I often start of willing to toss it all and then become less effective as the hours pass. So some headway was made today; the progress was probably due to the fact that over a cup of coffee B and I started the day talking about the future.

More often then not the future is blank...really blank... As we looked back over the past ten years or so it becam very apparent that we could never have planned to be where we are at this moment. And we are happy to be here. But there is a very clear sense of it being time to end our current work. There are several ideas sitting in the wings for future work; however none of those ideas are anything we have the capacity to make happen. They are things we want to do, things that we have a passion for, but things that require resources outside of what we currently possess...

As we chatted, B reminded me of Abraham and Sarah. He said it's like leaving Ur. But we have already left Ur... and now it's time to leave Haran. That was Abraham's stop after Ur. But the rest of the story is about a couple who wandered until they died.

In fact, they were even buried on foreign soil. Now, that's an end we are happy to embrace. We have already decided that where we drop there we lie. Now I am mulling over the thought that where I will lie after death might be a place that I have never even seen yet.

So we are looking around trying to decide what do we sell, store, give, take... I know that the sooner we get these things sorted out the easier our last six months will be. But I was thinking of course our desire to return will be fulfilled in the near future... but B is right, we can't be sure. If the past is any indication of our future journey, then anything, anything at all is possible.

So we are looking at the future as if we are Abraham and Sarah...God will lead and we will follow. And I need to trust...

A bit more on cholesterol...

As I sat picking bits of chicken out of my biryani last night I was so embarrassed. Given another viable option for reducing cholesterol, particularly the 'bad' LDL stuff I would most certainly chose otherwise... In the meantime, I need to accustom myself to the thought that my body seems to be very good at producing sufficient cholesterol. And so I need to not injest any extra cholesterol.

For me one of the most annoying things is that I fall in a weird category for cholesterol and high blood pressure problems. I am in the normal weight range for my height ( although at the heavy end), I don't eat very much processed food (mostly because it's not available), I don't smoke (so I can't quit, one of the most mentioned advices), and I am premenopausal (apparently after menopause is when the real problems for women start). All that to say it's difficult to find relevant information.

The reason I opted to not go on medication permanently is that statins, the usual cholesterol reducing medication, have not been tested in long term studies. The incidence of side effects seem to be low, but there have not been any studies on the long term effects. So considering I am 33 and if I live to a modest 73, that would put me on the medication for 40 years...I am hoping to delay my need for daily medication to avoid being a guinea pig!

However, I want to seriously entertain any suggestions. Since it's relatively easy to get my cholesterol checked every couple of months here; it's easier to experiment with changes and see what happens.

So my current agenda is: a vegan diet, lots of water, raw garlic daily, calcium supplements and flax seed oil.

There are two challenges with drinking enough water. The first is that all the water needs to be boiled, filtered or bought. And the second is that washroom facilities, for when you are out of the house, are either not available or ... I am just thinking of how to describe them...but let me include a picture.
This is a reasonable toilet on a train, near the beginning of a journey. The interesting thing I learned this summer, was that having washrooms in restaurants is a western convention. So as we travel in less westernized areas, we face the challenge of locating easy to use toilets, particularly for the girls and me. Good balance and carrying your own toilet paper(another western convention) are the needed resources!!

Argh...the trouble with CHOLESTEROL

I am not sure if I shared with many of my friends out there my current struggle to get my cholesterol down to appropriate levels...

So here's the story...
In May while I was having a fairly random blood pressure check, Meg, sent me straight to bed. Meg, is a dear friend, who also happens to be a nurse and runs the Health Centre on campus. Apparently, my blood pressure was silly high and I needed to get it sorted immediately, if not sooner. B left his classes and shuttled me off the the community hospital, where I was promptly medicated and sentenced to a battery of blood work...

In case you don't know...I am only 33 and not terribly overweight...

That month we found out that not only was my blood pressure staying high, but my cholesterol was also high. So on to medication I went...it was around this time that I thought, "Hey, I am not afraid to die. So if I live however I want and die young no problem."

As you might guess B was not too thrilled about this attitude. Nevermind that it was totally self-centred and would leave him as a single parent to four girls. So the lifestyle change began...

Since then I have had three more cholesterol checks. When the second one came back in the lower range of normal I went of the statins and tried to manage it all with diet and exercise. It has been very unfortunate that I don't have any nasty eating and lifestyle habits to give up...

So I have given up meat...including chicken, eggs, dairy(which I didn't really eat anyway) as well as salt (to keep my blood pressure under control). Now, those who know me, know that I really like to eat...so you might be able to imagine what a pain in the butt these changes have been.

Sadly, today when I got the most recent results back things are not as I had hoped. On the up side the good stuff is up, but the bad stuff is not as under control as I wanted. As I was thinking about the last week or so I realized that I haven't been as strict as I was in the previous months. Without articulating the thought, I was thinking that maybe with some restrictions everything would be okay. Besides the fact that B was out of state; I always do better with accountability. But now with my eyes wide open I see that I need to commit to a basically vegan diet...with regular exercise...one would think that having four girls to keep track of would be enough exercise!!!!

I would love to hear from any of you who have recipe suggestions that have no eggs, no butter, little fat...but that produces a tasty treat!!!


P.S. If you haven't had your cholesterol checked...no time like the present!!!