Adultery, Affairs of the Heart, and Faith

It seems obvious that there are certain standards that we could call Christian and particular behaviour that we expect of those who call themselves Christian. Many of us would struggle to call a person a Christian if she regularly shop lifted... although some would call her a kleptomaniac and obsolve her of personal sin in the matter. Possibly, we would agree that a serial killer was not a believer; then again if he was born as pyschopath or sociopath then maybe he is not responsible for his sin. I wonder if there are any boundaries we can draw that there would be no exception to?

I remember at FBC there was a man attending Sunday Morning Service, a member of the congregation, and as it turned out living with a woman, who was not his wife. In the end the elders spoke with him and the conclusion of the matter was for his name to be taken off the member roll; consequently he felt no compulsion to attend church services. And one of the elderly women at the church was annoyed that we didn't encourage his effort to at least attend Sunday Morning Services...

What is the church for...to stand with open arms to welcome anyone who would darken it's doorstep? Yes...but what about those who find a trusting congregation the perfect place to prey upon the young and unsupervised? I am truly concerned about where the line is appropriately drawn.

Like a man I know who professes to be a Christian and who I suspect is in longterm romantic relationship with a woman who is not a Christian. I want to tell him marry her and be honest about how you feel about her. Not that I think it's the best idea to marry someone who does not share your faith. But what good is it to tell someone, 'I love you, but I can't marry you, but I will sleep with you.' Be honest with yourself, with the woman and the rest of the world around you...you have already decided to put your desire for relationship above your desire to abide by the instructions for life given by the teachings of Jesus.

In my mind this is very similar to the people who accuse the Catholic Church of wrongdoing when they discourage the use of contraceptives, particularly in the AIDS overrun countries of Africa. If those people would step back from their anti-Catholic prejuidice they could see that the church encourages sex with in the bounds of marriage, no extramarital sex allowed ...before or during your marriage. If Catholic Africas don't listen to the Church's teaching about chastity and faithfulness, then do they really care if the Church is opposed to condom use? Let's be honest about the situation...the people engaging in irresponsible sex aren't planning to use condoms if the Church starts endorsing them, are they?

I suppose that leads me up to this current situation...a married man sleeping with a woman, who is married to a different man. The excuse: '...it has been a very stressful time for me...' Huh? So you cope with stress by sleeping with someone you are not married to? So, for how long have you used this as a coping mechanism, you poor thing? I hope you can detect my sarcasm.

I realize life is difficult and following the teachings of Jesus, at times, makes our life more complicated. But can't we testify to the blessing there is in living a holy and pure life. Or do we live with the regret of committing ourselves to a high standard of morality and ethics? Do we harbour longings, deep within our consciousness, about what we wish we would have tried before embarking on this path to holiness?

My thoughts have gone in this direction...when we accept that we can set convenient boundaries, like 'sex within a committed relationship' how do we then define 'committed relationship'. The man, who was sleeping with someone else's wife, felt like he was committed to this other woman, he continued relationship once distance made sex impossible. She had become his friend, his confidant; he was, and maybe still is, committed to the relationship. Does that count?? I know that my friend, who thought it was okay for teenagers to have sex with someone they were committed to, would agree that adultery, even if the consenting adults were committed to the relationship, was unacceptable. When we begin to flex, where do we stop?

I suffer, in some ways, for not having grown up in a home where Christ was the centre. One of the ways, is that unlike many, I have not understood the Church to be the paragon of judgement and Victorian morality. My experience of the Church has been one where traditional morality is questioned and often disregarded, where people exercise their 'freedom in Christ' to explore the sin of the current age. I can see know that this tension led to many misunderstandings as I learned to walk out my new life in Christ. I learned that I was thought of as odd, opinionated and even judgemental...by the Christians I was meeting...some of my friends, who didn't share my new found faith knew I was opinionated and also thought me odd, and maybe a little mentally unstable... But it was the Christians, who I expected to support me in my pursuit to shed the sins of my past life, who questioned my zeal and belittled my understanding.

I suppose all of this is returning me to the metaphor of SALT and LIGHT...salt is for seasoning and preserving...light is for seeing and understanding. Can we really say that we are these two things to the world around us?

Recently, I was so disturbed to hear that some Hindus were sympathizing with the man caught in adultery. They were saying that this poor man was caught up in a conflict of cultures, those Indian Christians should realize that Westerners, even Western Christians, think that adultery is not a sin. WHAT?!

So much for salt and light...we are the paragons of compromise, tolerance and indulgence.

I just re-read this and decided to add one caveat. I actually don't expect anyone to live like a Christian if they aren't one. I mean that if someone doesn't care to identify themselves as a Christian, than I don't expect that they will live like one. In that case, both of us can be honest and open, with no judgement from either direction; thus making a basis for relationship that is not there when someone wants to hide sin in the midst of arguments for grace and forgiveness.

Not to say that there aren't moral non-Christians, because there are; and not to say that there is no place for grace and forgiveness, because there is. But just to say that if you identify yourself with a label make sure you are prepared to embrace that label, or else maybe it's time to pick a new label...redefinition is just a pitiful path for those lacking the strength of conviction to be honest with themselves and the world around them.