Adultery, Affairs of the Heart, and Faith

It seems obvious that there are certain standards that we could call Christian and particular behaviour that we expect of those who call themselves Christian. Many of us would struggle to call a person a Christian if she regularly shop lifted... although some would call her a kleptomaniac and obsolve her of personal sin in the matter. Possibly, we would agree that a serial killer was not a believer; then again if he was born as pyschopath or sociopath then maybe he is not responsible for his sin. I wonder if there are any boundaries we can draw that there would be no exception to?

I remember at FBC there was a man attending Sunday Morning Service, a member of the congregation, and as it turned out living with a woman, who was not his wife. In the end the elders spoke with him and the conclusion of the matter was for his name to be taken off the member roll; consequently he felt no compulsion to attend church services. And one of the elderly women at the church was annoyed that we didn't encourage his effort to at least attend Sunday Morning Services...

What is the church for...to stand with open arms to welcome anyone who would darken it's doorstep? Yes...but what about those who find a trusting congregation the perfect place to prey upon the young and unsupervised? I am truly concerned about where the line is appropriately drawn.

Like a man I know who professes to be a Christian and who I suspect is in longterm romantic relationship with a woman who is not a Christian. I want to tell him marry her and be honest about how you feel about her. Not that I think it's the best idea to marry someone who does not share your faith. But what good is it to tell someone, 'I love you, but I can't marry you, but I will sleep with you.' Be honest with yourself, with the woman and the rest of the world around you...you have already decided to put your desire for relationship above your desire to abide by the instructions for life given by the teachings of Jesus.

In my mind this is very similar to the people who accuse the Catholic Church of wrongdoing when they discourage the use of contraceptives, particularly in the AIDS overrun countries of Africa. If those people would step back from their anti-Catholic prejuidice they could see that the church encourages sex with in the bounds of marriage, no extramarital sex allowed ...before or during your marriage. If Catholic Africas don't listen to the Church's teaching about chastity and faithfulness, then do they really care if the Church is opposed to condom use? Let's be honest about the situation...the people engaging in irresponsible sex aren't planning to use condoms if the Church starts endorsing them, are they?

I suppose that leads me up to this current situation...a married man sleeping with a woman, who is married to a different man. The excuse: '...it has been a very stressful time for me...' Huh? So you cope with stress by sleeping with someone you are not married to? So, for how long have you used this as a coping mechanism, you poor thing? I hope you can detect my sarcasm.

I realize life is difficult and following the teachings of Jesus, at times, makes our life more complicated. But can't we testify to the blessing there is in living a holy and pure life. Or do we live with the regret of committing ourselves to a high standard of morality and ethics? Do we harbour longings, deep within our consciousness, about what we wish we would have tried before embarking on this path to holiness?

My thoughts have gone in this direction...when we accept that we can set convenient boundaries, like 'sex within a committed relationship' how do we then define 'committed relationship'. The man, who was sleeping with someone else's wife, felt like he was committed to this other woman, he continued relationship once distance made sex impossible. She had become his friend, his confidant; he was, and maybe still is, committed to the relationship. Does that count?? I know that my friend, who thought it was okay for teenagers to have sex with someone they were committed to, would agree that adultery, even if the consenting adults were committed to the relationship, was unacceptable. When we begin to flex, where do we stop?

I suffer, in some ways, for not having grown up in a home where Christ was the centre. One of the ways, is that unlike many, I have not understood the Church to be the paragon of judgement and Victorian morality. My experience of the Church has been one where traditional morality is questioned and often disregarded, where people exercise their 'freedom in Christ' to explore the sin of the current age. I can see know that this tension led to many misunderstandings as I learned to walk out my new life in Christ. I learned that I was thought of as odd, opinionated and even judgemental...by the Christians I was meeting...some of my friends, who didn't share my new found faith knew I was opinionated and also thought me odd, and maybe a little mentally unstable... But it was the Christians, who I expected to support me in my pursuit to shed the sins of my past life, who questioned my zeal and belittled my understanding.

I suppose all of this is returning me to the metaphor of SALT and LIGHT...salt is for seasoning and preserving...light is for seeing and understanding. Can we really say that we are these two things to the world around us?

Recently, I was so disturbed to hear that some Hindus were sympathizing with the man caught in adultery. They were saying that this poor man was caught up in a conflict of cultures, those Indian Christians should realize that Westerners, even Western Christians, think that adultery is not a sin. WHAT?!

So much for salt and light...we are the paragons of compromise, tolerance and indulgence.

I just re-read this and decided to add one caveat. I actually don't expect anyone to live like a Christian if they aren't one. I mean that if someone doesn't care to identify themselves as a Christian, than I don't expect that they will live like one. In that case, both of us can be honest and open, with no judgement from either direction; thus making a basis for relationship that is not there when someone wants to hide sin in the midst of arguments for grace and forgiveness.

Not to say that there aren't moral non-Christians, because there are; and not to say that there is no place for grace and forgiveness, because there is. But just to say that if you identify yourself with a label make sure you are prepared to embrace that label, or else maybe it's time to pick a new label...redefinition is just a pitiful path for those lacking the strength of conviction to be honest with themselves and the world around them.

Celeb Collages

Here's M....



M is pleased to be told that she looks like all these glam girls!!!
I think that I am going to skip P...babies are just bundles of cuteness anyways.

I am expecting B to return shortly. He's been gone since Thursday. All of us are better when he's around. I think that with his meetings over and decisions finally made then he can get on with doing what he likes to do best...teaching.

Monday morning, bright and early, staff retreat gets off to an early start. School is 10 days away. Hopefully, this semester will be quiet and uneventful.

Well, I am off to set the table, B is bringing home a few people for dinner as well.

More Look Alikes

R thought that the celeb lookalike collages were cool. So here is one with her in it....



Now here is A...



Fun, eh?

A little entertainment

It's been a rough few weeks and so I thought I'd do something for fun...so I found this website on Kellie's blog...



Now, don't worry I won't let it go to my head...It's just so funny since there is no one I know who would match me up with any of these celebs.

Now, I am going to upload a photo of B...let's see who comes up...




I am glad to see that B with a beard got at least one female celeb look-alike, considering I am being told that I resemble Eddie Murphy!!!

I suppose that it makes more sense now why the Canadian passport office is getting stricter about the dimensions and expressions for passport photos. The last time I had to get my passport renewed it was a bit of a pain...head size was specified to the mm and I had to have my mouth closed and keep my face expressionless. The result is a picture that I think doesn't really look like me, but apparently is more easily recognized as me by a computer.

Well, it's much past bedtime and I 'll be up early with the girls!!!
Good night, hope I made you smile!

Foreigners and Doctors

What do foreigners and doctors have in common?

They both used to scare Parmesh. On Sunday he was telling us his story. And he finished telling us that he used to be so afraid of doctors that he wouldn't ever speak to them...then he sheepishly admitted that he used to feel the same way about foreigners!!!

The providential thing was we spent the day together on Saturday. We went with another family to go pinecone picking. Parmesh and five other young men joined us for a picnic and to gather pinecones and wood for heating. It was a chilly day, but fun to be out in the fresh air in the hills among the trees.

On the way the motorcycle two of the boys were on got a flat tire. They had to push it back...about 10 km. So we decided we should all just hop out at our house and rustle up some dinner. The ladies and I whipped up a simple meal and we all ate together, watched the new version of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and played cards. But I never realized that most of the boys had never visited a foreigners home...and never eaten a meal there.

Now, some people could not imagine the significance of sharing a meal with a foreigner...or eating a meal that a foreigner made. It wasn't until December that I became aware of my slot on the totem pole in this regard.

Just as school was ending we planned a dinner. We planned the meal so that it was proper ...no meat or eggs...that way all the neighbours would feel comfortable to come. Then we bought gifts for all the children, decorated and thought we had done all we could to welcome everyone. Imagine my disappointment when one older woman didn't come. I asked her son-in-law if she ws going to come. His answer was: She's a very traditional woman. HUH!

Later, I realized that it was likely that she thought it would be polluting to eat with us, particularly the food that I had prepared off plates that might have been defiled. My race and place was an unchangeable barrier to relationship with her.

Back to Parmesh...coming from a wealthy and respected family it's likely that he was taught this kind of attitude. And here he was sitting with us, eating with us and fellowshipping with us...little miracles!

Veggies as the Main Course

I really love eating. That might seem like a funny statement. Like, of course, who wouldn't like to eat? I actually lived with a woman who didn't like to eat... It was hard to agree on meal protocol. Things like how much oil, salt, and time went into each dish and each meal became points of tension. Partly because I really wanted to make things that were tasty and she didn't really care if it was tasty...eating was just something you did because it needed to be done.

So now that I need to modify my eating habits, there has been certain challenges. One of the big ones has been how to keep B and the girls happy with meal time; while limiting the temptations that sat on the table. On that note, I hope to one day not be tempted by things I shouldn't eat since I just feel bad after eating them. One night during the holidays I felt so awful after both eating the wrong stuff and overeating...my tummy was so sore. At bedtime the girls all prayed that God would help me to not eat so much so my tummy wouldn't get so sore...sweet things!

These last few weeks I have been trying to assimilate all the information I could about creating a healthy diet. On a recent MacLean's magazine is a cover photo of a very skinny man. Inside are two stories about a lifestyle and diet called Calorie Restriction (CR). The idea is that you eat 20-30% less than needed to sustain your weight to keep you skinny and healthy with the aim of living a longer life. Then I was reading about the Eat-2-Live plan and the McDougall Plan. The more I read the more overwhelming it became. It was starting to feel like if I wanted to eat well to correct my cholesterol and high blood pressure it would consume my time and thoughts. My information junkie tendency was leading me into a mire of opinions, thoughts mixed with some facts. I don't want to have to download software to calculate the number of calories and nutrients each meal contains (like CR requires). I am not prepared to give up rice and more particularly peanut butter (like Eat-2-Live recommends). Peanut Butter is like comfort food for me... And the thought of giving up suger, flour and coffee (McDougall) feels a bit like giving up the remaining enjoyable food left. After all, I have already cut out egg, butter, dairy, red meat and chicken.

Finally, yesterday I gleaned all the information down to...Make veggies the central figure of the meal and everything will be okay.

Last night was the test run. We ate raw spinach, cucumbers and carrots with hummus and raita, and zucchini stuffed with rice. For dairy and extra calories the girls' half of the zucchini had cheese in it. I also made flat bread to eat with the hummus. Now tonight, B and I were trying how to make Moussaka safe for me. Eureka!! We made the sauce with soya granules soaked in veggie stock. Then I made the becamel sauce on the side so everyone else could ladle it on to their heart's content. So spinach salad with dressing on the side and vegetarian Moussaka with Becamel sauce on the side made a satisfying meal for everyone.

VOILA! I have a new eating philosophy...veggies get centre stage and my heart will be healthy. I must also add that my brain is happy too, less worry about details and more focus on the good stuff...eating without stress!!

Some Vacation Pics

I just got an email from my good friend, K. She let me know that she has a blog with pics of family and friend. I so appreciated seeing all of her pictures that I thought I should really post some of ours. The biggest surprise with seeing people that you haven't seen in a while is that their children are all grown up compared to the mental picture you stored away. Since I expect we will meet up with all of you in six months or so I thought I better remember to post pics of the family so you will recognize the girls!!!!



This is the girls in the swimming pool at the big hotel we visited. It was so nice for them to be able to swim since there are no options up here on the hillside. That is one of the things I want the girls to be able to do when we get back to Canada; have swimming lessons.




B and the girls on Christmas morning in our wee hotel room. We all had something to unwrap; two days before, we ventured out to one of the big markets and bargained our way into gifts for everyone. Then we got together with the other folks who had come down for the Writer's Workshop (That was one of the reasons we were at the beach for the holidays. B joined up with this Writer's Workshop.) We sang some carols, shared and listened and had Christmas dinner of rice, chowmein, fish with broccoli, channa masala and for dessert, traditional fruit cake brought specially from England.


And here are P and I on the beach. At first P wasn't so happy with the ocean. She kept saying,"It's trying to get me!" But by the end of vacation, she was running into the waves with abandon; although only up to her belly button!

And she loves the sand; her favourite activity was smashing sand castles. She would stand by as B and I built something and eagerly ask, "Can I stomp it?"

Hopefully, we'll have some snow picture before the end of the month. Somehow winter break feels incomplete when there is no snow. The first few winters I was away from Canada I really missed the Winter Wonderland. So to get over homesickness I would look for National Geographic Specials on northern countries so I could see people in the snow!!! A couple of times I even got to see some snowmobile racing, very Northwestern Ontario. I hear there is a serious lack of snow this year, so I'll be praying for a snowy winter next year!!!

Two books and some thoughts

While we were away in December, B joined up with a Writer's Workshop. While there we had the opportunity to meet the Guptara family, including the Twins, who recently had their first book published and launched.
I finished the book last night, and I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed it...it was a bit of Lord of the Rings, with a little Chronicles of Narnia, a sprinkle of Eragon with a suspense/conspiracy plot holding it all together. If you are looking for an easy, yet compelling read for the holidays; I recommend that you run out and buy a copy of this book...or you can order it on Amazon and never have to go looking for it. I am looking forward to the next book so that I can observe Bryn, one of the main charcters, coming to terms with his new-found abilities, and the choices that he'll be faced with.
The other thing that has challenged me in this book is how the boys were released by their parents to pursue their passion. Actually, Jyoti and Suresh are moving in separate directions in preparation for their futures. Jyoti was given permission by his parents to finish school at 16 in order to become a full-time novelist. Suresh on the other hand, is currently living in a different country, attending a school where he can prepare for the type of post-secondary education he wants.
The challenge to me, as a parent, has been a reminder to look at each of my children as separate being, with individual passions, abilities and calls. It is so easy to think of a one-size fits all approach to life. I see that there is an increasing global trend to try to put everyone through the same type of education, pushing them to the same paths for similar types of careers, and then marking success by similar standards.
On that note, I picked up another book to read last night. I was sad for the
Conspiracy of Calaspia to come to an end so early in the evening, so I wandered through the bookshelf looking for something new. Often, I re-read books that I find particularly compelling or enjoyable; however I was looking for a new books. Then my eyes settled on Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto.
This a collection of five pieces written by John Gatto, reflecting on what he has seen in his career as a teacher in a public school in the US. This was an interesting tag-on to the thoughts about releasing children to pursue their passions. His position is that the educational institutions are failing the children that they are supposed to be helping. His list of the seven lessons that are universally taught are: confusion, class position, indifference, emotional dependency, intellectual dependency, provisional self-esteem, and the reality of constant surveillance. To say the least, this is a disturbing list of lessons, and lessons that I know that I don't want my children to imbibe. That particular speech is concluded with the following statement by the author: School is a twelve-year jail sentence where bad habits are the only curriculum truly learned. I teach school and win awards doing it. I should know.
Suddenly, I realized that the concerns I was trying to express to M's teacher last year reflected the same concerns this teacher saw in the way education was being administered in the typical school. What a relief to have someone else express the same thoughts...maybe I wasn't being as unreasonable as I was being told that I was.
Even now as I think about the things I was told by some teachers, who in other contexts I really appreciate, I am shocked at their candor. One teacher told me that you can't believe what children tell you...meaning that the things M was saying were probably not true. And another teacher told me that it's good for children to learn that adults aren't nice and they need to get toughened up...meaning that M needs to tolerate unkind and disrespectful remarks from her teacher. As I think about these two remarks, I can clearly see that these two women and many others like them, simply have a different value system than I do. I do not ever want my children to feel like I will take an adult's word over their's simply because they are children. And I do not want my children to grow up feeling like they have to tolerate disrespect because the person being disrespectful is an authority figure. I know that I will have to guide them in appropriate ways to oppose an authority figure, but that is worth the effort to me rather than teaching them that they need to accept oppression as the way things are.
In some ways it is unfair for all of you to have to wade through my thoughts and opinions without being able to challenge and contradict me. So let me invite you to share some of your thoughts... I am looking forward to hearing from you!!!