Then and Now

So...my dear friend invited me to join Facebook...so I did. I didn't really know anything about it and I must admit to finding it curiously addictive. One thing that I did not expect was finding high school classmates on it. Actually, I didn't really think about classmates finding me. The friend from Junior High, who found me, was such a surprise...I had been trying to reconnect with her without success for a while. Then there was a guy, whose name I did not recognize...weird...upon seeing his photo I placed him, but had seriously not seen or heard of him in over 15 years.

But that has led me to introspection about who I was then and who I am now. I know that I am more me now then I was then, but I wonder what I would think upon meeting myself then... I think I am self aware enough to say I was more abrasive then, more sarcastic and more aggressive... but I was also less confident of my own identity and I know that I hid from myself as much as I hid from those around me.

I can say that I am honestly thankful that some of my edges have been worn away. There are things I like about myself much more now...like the fact that I am less defensive and need less approval from the world around me. But it all makes me think that if I were to meet up with people who knew me then, would they recognize me, would the teenage me inhibit relationship with the 30-something me, would I find that despite what I have gained from the years since high school I have also lost part of me.

I suppose part of my thoughts are spurred on by the knowledge of returning to Thunder Bay and wondering what it will be like. There is a part of me that finds comfort in knowing that I am known, particularly by the ALL-KNOWING ONE. But also part of me that is sad to have many of my friendships split in segments of my life. In some ways I think it make me a bit of a fractured person...there is so much comfort in not having to explain myself...

At the same time I am so thankful to have a partner to journey with...since the end is not in sight. I wonder what my 40-something self will think of my 30-something self...

P.S. Thanks to Doug for his thoughts on being Canadian...I think he is accurate in defining a Canada as a country of observers...and a people who are satisfied in learning but not always doing. In fact that defines a lot about me...learning but not doing...