Sweet Thing with clouded thoughts.

A lives life at an intensity that the rest of us...and most of the world doesn't. Nothing with A is half way. So in the night when she was not feeling well I should have clued in earlier than I did.

She was feeling low with a barking cough, so we just tucked her in, prayed for her and gave her big hugs and kisses. Sometime after midnight the bed hopping began. Around 4, I took her back to her bed when I asked her what was bothering her she said the most fantastic thing...I asked her again to be sure...

My wings are hurting my back.

Lights flashing in my head...fever too high quick find the Brufen. I am still not sure what she meant, but she was so sincere that her wings were hurting her back so I didn't argue. After one dose and a little back rub, A was settled. I said good night and she told me we could finish the game in the morning(another random thought). However, her fever was dropping and she nodded off.

You can never really know what is going on in another's mind. You can listen to their words, watch their faces and body language, but you are just using "sagacious foresight"...a bit of intuition leading an educated guess to a tentative conclusion.

This is one of the things that makes relationships so tenuous. You can never have absolute certainty about what is moving through the other's mind. As your relationship grows you learn more about your partner and the thoughts that are likely to occupy their space...but you are just making an more educated guess with the possibility of a less tentative conclusion.

It's amazing in these days of suspicion and skepticism that people continue to make vows that include the words...until death do we part... Think about the weight of that commitment ...nothing should separate you from that person except the actual death of one of you...not the death of your love or the death of your happiness... In the glow of love and desire those words should be a sobering reminder of what you are walking into.

I have heard so many explanations about why marriage is out of fashion...women have more independence and money, less people want the burden of children, people are finding out who they are, the world is over populated, we are already committed what differnce is a piece of paper...some reasons are more plausible than others, but I think they are all excuses. The real reason is how can I know that this one person is the one, how can I trust myself to another person, how can I give up my own life for them.

We live with an immense amount of insecurity. We are unsure of ourselves and our purpose. How can we be sure of another person's committment?


The point is we can't. We can't change anyone, not even a spouse. We can't know every thought entertained in the mind of our partner. We can't be sure how we will grow and change over time, nevermind what might happen in and to the other.

In business relationships we commit to working out glitches, market slow-downs, and personnel problems; likewise in romantic relationships we have to commit to working it out because you just can't predict what will come about from within and without.

It's just a leap of faith...marriage is a step off into the unknown holding hands with another person, who is different than you.

Welcome to my stream of thought...by the way the reason that the wedding photo is so beat up is that B carries it around in his wallet. It was the only wedding photo we brought with us. Coming to our 13th anniversary I am thankful for my husband and the fact that he is different than I am. I think that we both would agree that we have refined each other over the years. So for anyone contemplating that leap , know that it is a lot of hard work, but generally very worth the trouble.