The love of a parasite?

If you have a relationship based on need, I can't survive without the energy that I draw from you.  You have not reached a loving relationship; you have reached the relationship of a parasite.  Bruxy Cavey, of the  Meeting House said this in a sermon entitled A Revolution of Love.

This struck a chord with me today.  In some ways I can say that this quote reflects my experience.  As a young woman, I recall having an aversion to needing someone or to being so needed by someone...part of it was my own issues with being dependent on another; but also I did not want to be so vital to another that their happiness was hung on me...too much pressure!

And when it came to marriage I remember my husband to be saying that he didn't need me.  At first blush this might be a terribly unromantic statement.  I understood him to be saying I do not need to be with you, I want to be with you.  The reason that I understood this was because he was speaking a reality that I was experiencing.  I did not need to be married, but I really wanted to be, I chose to be.  

There is a shadow in this that can help to illustrate my relationship with God...in some ways every single human being needs God and needs to be in relationship with Him.  So I cannot say that I did or do not need God, but my need was not based on needing to subscribe to a social construct or social expectation.  My need was birthed in the light of a deep desire to be living a meaningful life, I knew that this life needed to be connected to my Creator, my Father, who cares deeply for my well being and was complete without me, but still sought out relationship with me.  There is a relief in God not being dependent on my love, and an honour to know that He wants it.  For me this is a freedom to come to God as I am, warts, flaws, hurts, frustrations and all...no need to shield Him from what is within me...He already beholds it all.

Maybe I am a parasite, a bit of blue moss, on the tree that is God...but since He doesn't suffer from my presence, the relationship is not truly parasitic... I could maybe make an argument that is is symbiotic, as in commensalism...but that will have to wait for another time.  For now I cling to the tree, sink myself into him and drink deeply of the nourishment he provides.