I think I talk too much...so how can I be a learner?

I just had a lovely visit with some dear women, who live here on the hillside. But, I fear that I began to take over. I realize that having a blog has helped me to put down on some of my thoughts so that I don't feel compelled to have to talk to someone who may or may not be interested. ...now I am grateful that these women care about me and I think were interested, but as I sit sipping my tea in my quiet house I think I had too many opinions on too many things.

The answer I suppose it to be more deliberate about posting so that I get my thoughts down... process them a bit and get a bit of feedback...

I guess that leads to my thoughts about our conversation...Assuming the Position of the Learner... Essentially, much of what we discussed comes back to: living right and becoming a learner to be able to impact the culture around us.

As a little side bar...I don't remember who introduced me to a London Fog... It's Earl Grey Tea with steamed milk and vanilla syrup. I had it the first time at the Starbucks in Thunder Bay...it has become a comfort drink for me. With my current dietary restrictions I have it with sweet soy milk and a teaspoon full of vanilla extract. It currently serves as a comfort drink for me.

Away from my taste buds and back to my thoughts...

If I had to articulate my most recent concerns...it would be this: I see good people coming here with vision and a sense of call. I hear them speak out their concerns and thoughts...most true things. But I also see that they are not being heard. So I sat and thought why is this so???

Maybe this is happening because they are not arriving with the first thought as: 'What can I learn?', but 'What can I give?'. My thoughts have moved in this fashion. If we are building a relationship we begin by getting to know someone. To get to know them better we might increase the amount of time together or we might increase the level of intimacy in our conversation. But we generally move forward by increments...and with some people the increments might be baby steps...and with others the increments might be strides. But we all expect that to achieve a relationship where we can know someone well enough to speak negative things as well as positive things it will take time.

I think when we, as people, join together to become part of an institution then we need to use that same philosophy. Enter as if you are entering a relationship (because you are)...take the time to understand the people who are part of the institution and the institution's history. And then as we unravel the history, relationships and values; we will have understanding of the current relational dynamics of the people with each other and with the institution.

Now, in relation to cross-cultural living the essence of the sentiment is the same, particularly when that culture has grown in isolation from your own. The cultural assumptions that we grow up with are not global norms...

For example, most from the US and Canada are familiar with the book/poster "Everything I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten", and it resonates as true with most from Western countries; but some of those so called 'common sense' statements are not as universal as we have grown to expect. A little thing like, 'look both ways before crossing the street', may be so ingrained in us, that we are shocked when we come across someone who doesn't live by that truth. Or on a more serious level, we may be accustomed to teaching our children to 'find a policeman if you are lost'; whereas in some countries that would be an unthinkable directive to teach a child.

I remember a little news article after the London Train Bombings in the summer of 2005. A Brazilian immigrant was shot dead by a police officer for behaving suspiciously and not responding to the call to stop. So many of the editorial comments berated the man for not obeying a police officer...if he wasn't guilty why did he run... But he had some trouble with his immigration paper work and likely he grew up in a culture that feared the power and corruption of the police force. His response was dictated by having grown up with a alternative set of rules to live by, another set of norms, a different 'common sense'. And his response made sense according to the information he had available when he made his decision to run...unfortunately, that lack of cultural understanding communicated an admission of guilt to the culture he was now in and the police officer responded to that assumed admission.

We aught to take seriously that old Chinese proverb: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. I know that it is very cliched however the truth is that unless you understand the way a person looks at the world and can communicate in a way that meets them there; you will never have any influence for change.

I suppose at some level this is addressed to myself...to not assume that I know what my hometown is like today, to not assume that I know how my friends and family have grown, to not assume that I have changed more than the place and people that I am returning to. In the end, we are all working it out...that it is life, relationships, significance...maybe the best solution is to try as much as possible to shed assumptions and expectations and try to learn as much as we can about any given situation, person or institution before advocating for change. Sustainable change happens progressively...sudden change is rarely sustainable.

Well...that's the thoughts scrambling in my mind for attention...

P.S. I have never told my children to find a police officer if they are lost!