Ups and Downs

This week has been a mixed bag...nothing too exceptional. However, getting the house sorted as our shipment arrived (WA-HOO!!!!) has been nearly as stress inducing as packing it up was.

Suddenly, we were all hit with the knowledge that we have left the hillside. That chapter of life was concluded. We were no longer on vacation. A new rhythm needs to be established here in this place. The thing is we all...without exception, from the biggest to the littlest...love the life we left. To be sure there were challenges and disappointments, but there are relationships and roles that were fulfilling and satisfying.

Our house has assumed a flavour of Asia...carpets and wall-hangings, pillow covers and dishes... Books, books and more books...for the girls, for homeschooling, for me, for B...novels, learn-to-read books, travel books, text books, atlases, learn-Hindi books, and religious books of numerous stripes and leanings. And clothes, not too many, but favourites...I unpacked about four saris...and then wondered where to take them to be dry cleaned.

Then wondered where I would wear my lovely saris...well, we are sharing at an upcoming conference and so I think I'll be sari-clad for the weekend. I must seize the opportunities that come my way. Saris are not typical attire in this part of the world. I know, you probably think they aren't typical attire for much other than South Asia. But in urban England and the mega city of Toronto and probably many other cosmopolitan locations they are not as uncommon as one would think. And I feel like a sari is one of the most universally appealing and attractive garments for women available anywhere in anytime. They fold and pleat and cover and swish. The very nature of the outfit makes you stand taller and move with elegance. And that's not to mention the variety and detail of the fabric...patterns, borders, sparkle, shimmer, beading, embroidery...whatever your fancy there is one that will appeal to your taste and the occasion.

...so I didn't expect this to turn into an accolade of the sari...

But I began thinking of the fact that in the midst of delight there can be the pang of loss and regret.

And then as all this was upon us, life carried on. Studies needed to be tended to. Jobs needed to be completed. Food needed to be made. Children needed to be fed. Commitments called from every direction... That just about did me in. I didn't know how I would keep track of everything that needed to be done, never mind get it done...and each day seemed to add another obligation...some desirable and some burdensome.

Yet, as I look over the week I was blessed by having three women listen to me. And it was me and my woes and worries and wanderings... Looking at the three women in my mind it makes me marvel that I could have three such different voices speaking to me and the result be so similar. I felt like they had space for me...I felt invited into their lives.

B and I have been tossing around thoughts about the future...nothing clear...it feels like we are moving in a particular direction, but where it's leading is anything but clear. I think that's what's making it hard to find the energy to reenter life here. By now, you would think that I should have embraced the reality of all of us passing through each others lives and to savour the moments given to us. And in many ways while I was staying still I found it easy to welcome people into our life, for a meal, a weekend, a month and longer... But with me being the one on the move, coming to terms with uncertainty and transition, it feels harder to reach out and enter in.